Today My Heart Desires
by alwayswriting
Summary: Nikolas/Emily--When does their charade become a reality?


Today My Heart Desires 

Summary: When does Nikolas and Emily's charade become a reality?   
Rated PG   
Story Info: There is no Lydia in this fic. 

Part 1

No matter how hard you try, you can't ignore it---the constant beating, the temptation of its hunger, the willpower that it shows, to prove that it does exist so you have to pay attention to it; you have to acknowledge its needs.

It's your heart. And it is alive. And it is waiting for its desire to be fulfilled.

**

NIKOLAS

          When I woke up today, the first thing that came into my mind was whether or not to take the convertible or have the limo driver take me to the office today. Then, I suddenly knew my worst fear had come true. I had become a product of the corporate world. In my hands, I held the entire Cassadine empire, but whenever I looked at my hands, they were empty. My family had anticipated the day when I would take over the business, and when that day came, they were delighted that the heir had finally inherited. I, on the other hand, shared their joy on the outside, but inside, I was scared, scared of the responsibility, of the pressure that came with my name.

          I passed by my uncle Stefan's office after having my breakfast. The door was open and I hesitated to greet him. His head was down, looking over papers. It was still early and he was already at work. Growing up, I had admired the man, and I still did, but now it was in a different way. It was more of a mature respect among two businessmen, not between an uncle and a nephew. 

          When I got to the office, I stared out my window the entire day. It started to rain and I realized I didn't have an umbrella with me. I was glad I had taken the limo then.

EMILY

          I was so close. The door was right there. If I had been five seconds earlier, I would have been gone. I turned at the sound of my name and forced a smile on my face.

          "Grandfather," I said.

          Edward Quartermaine. One of Port Charles's richest men. My grandfather.

          "Aren't you going to eat dinner, Emily?" he asked.

          I tried to think of a reasonable excuse. "I'm meeting Liz at Kelly's."

          "Why eat at Kelly's?" he said. "Their food's terrible. Besides, you can have the cook make whatever you want here."

          "No, Grandfather, I can't," I said. "I really have to get going." I put my hand on the doorknob. "I'll be back later."

          "Oh, alright." He frowned and turned to leave and I let my guilt win me over. 

          "Wait" I said.

          He turned back.

          "How about breakfast?" I said. "Can you let the cook know I want eggs for breakfast?"

          "Scrambled," he said with a smile.

          I smiled back. "Scrambled." 

          And when I finally walked through the front door, I felt my lungs expand with the fresh air. I could breathe.

**

          Liz was nowhere at Kelly's. The truth was I wasn't meeting Liz here. In fact, I hadn't seen much of her since she married Ric Lansing. Same with Lucky. He had his own problems with his father and he was working on starting a relationship with Summer. And then there was Zander. How long could I keep pushing him away and then pulling him back in? It was cruel and selfish of me, but I was scared. Scared of living with him and scared of living without him. 

          I had no one to turn to, but there was one more person left. And he just walked through the door.

NIKOLAS

          Emily waved at me as I entered Kelly's. I walked over to her table and sat down. She smiled and I had to wonder where that smile came from. I had seen her breakdown before, seen the tears, the pain of cancer. So seeing one smile from her made all the difference.

          "Thanks for meeting me here," she said.

          "Hey, it's the least I could do for my girlfriend," I said.

          She laughed, tilting her head back causing her long brown hair to fall behind her shoulders. I thought about her fear of losing her hair because of the chemo. I reached over and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. She lowered her eyes at my touch as though she knew what I was thinking.

          "Are you okay?" I asked.

          "Yeah, I just wanted to get out of the house, you know?" she said. "I felt like I was suffocating."

          "Family driving you insane again?" I said.

          "When aren't they?" Her eyes softened. "What about you?"

          "What about me?" I said with a shrug.

          "Are you okay?"

          No one had asked me that question in the longest time. I had forgotten how to respond. "You know."

          She gave me that look. The Quit-Bullshiting-Me look.

          I changed the subject. "How about we take a walk down by the water?" 

          "Sure." 

          We got up from our seats just as Zander walked in. I glanced at Emily. Her face brightened for a moment at the sight of him, but then she grabbed my hand, going back into character. We quickly left Kelly's.

**

          It had been nearly a month since Emily asked me to take part of her game. _"Pretend that you're in love with me." And so I did. I played along in her charade because I cared for her and because she cared for Zander. No one approved of it. Not my uncle. Not her family. Even Lucky had his doubts, saying that I would only end up hurting her like I did Gia. And if this was for real, I probably would have agreed._

          "It's so beautiful tonight," she said as we walked on the docks. "Maybe this cancer isn't a curse." She looked at me. "It made me realize all of this." Her eyes looked up at the moon and stars.

          "It's always been there," I said, "you just realized not to take it for granted."

          Her lip started to tremble as a tear fell from down her cheek.

          "Emily?" I placed a hand on her shoulder. "What is it?"

          "I can't do this anymore," she said in between sobs. "I can't lie to my family, to Zander. It hurts too much."

          I wrapped her inside my arms, soothing her, kissing the top of her head. "You don't have to do this. If you want to tell your family and Zander, I'll be there right by your side."

          And I meant every word.

ZANDER

          It still hurt to see them together. Nikolas and Emily. Nikolas, who was just engaged to Gia. Emily, who was just in love with me. It seemed so easy for them to move on and not look back. 

          When I walked into Kelly's, I almost turned right back around. They were now in public together. They didn't care anymore who saw them, not even me. I saw Emily take Nikolas's hand and walk out the door; neither of them looking over at me. Maybe they felt sorry for me. Well, I didn't need their pity. I went up to the counter.

          Penny smiled at me. "The usual?"

          I nodded.

          She poured me a cup of coffee.

PENNY

          Working at Kelly's had its ups and downs. I worked crazy shifts, always covering for Courtney and Liz, and now that Liz had quit, I was forced to pick up more hours. The pay was okay. The regulars tipped well and I made sure to greet every single customer with a smile because, hey, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do in order to get some dough.

          I looked Zander over as I poured him his coffee. Poor guy. He was suffering from a broken heart. I caught on quick to the gossip around Port Charles while working. There was even this one about vampires. Anyway, I heard about Nikolas Cassadine moving in on Zander's girl. Liz had introduced me to Emily Quartermaine once when she had returned to town. Sweet girl with a pretty smile. Now she must have it tough. I could see it now: "Do I feel like a Dark Prince today, or a Bad Boy with a heart of gold?" She was one lucky girl. As for me, I would always be known as "Penny the Kelly's waitress," doomed to take coffee orders from gorgeous men like Jason Morgan and Lucky Spencer, not date them.

          "Hey, Penny." Zander looked up at me from the other side of the counter.

          How Emily could have picked Nikolas over Zander still confused the hell out of me.

          Zander raised his coffee cup. "Can I get a refill?"

          Of course. I should have known.

I grabbed the pot of coffee. 

NIKOLAS

          I made sure Emily got home safe before I went back to Wyndermere. My uncle's office light was still on.

          "Nikolas? Come in here," he said.

          I walked in with my hands in my pockets. "Yes?"

          "Where have you been tonight?" he asked.

          "I went out," I said.

          He walked around his desk to me. "With Emily Quartermaine?"

          I sighed. "I don't feel like fighting with you, uncle."

          "I don't want to fight," he said. 'I just want to talk."

          Knowing my uncle, it would eventually turn into a fight somehow.

          "You and Emily have been friends for a long time, and I have nothing against that," he said, "but being romantically involved is something else. I worry about the Cassadine business."

          "Because I have a girlfriend?" I said.

          "Because you're dating Emily _Quartermaine_," he said. "If you do anything to hurt Edward's precious granddaughter, he's going to come after us."

          "I don't want to hear this, uncle." I turned to leave the room.

          "Look at what she's done to you, Nikolas," he said. "You lack discipline. You don't listen to authority---"

          I turned back to my uncle. "When you say authority, you mean you. I'm not a little kid anymore. I've grown up and I'm fully capable of making my own decisions."

          "Even if they're the wrong ones?" he asked.

          "Good night, uncle." I closed the door behind me as I left.

STEFAN

          I watched Nikolas shut the door in my face. I let him go. I leaned back against my desk, wondering what was going on inside my nephew's head. I was glad I had returned to Port Charles in time to prevent Nikolas from making anymore mistakes. A part of me wanted to blame the Spencer side in him—spending too much time with Luke and Lucky could have caused this sudden personality change. Maybe it was his way of dealing with his mother. I had seen Laura and it had been painful to see such a beautiful person in an ugly world. 

          Whatever it was, it wasn't good. Not for him, and certainly not for me. 

Part 2

          Sometimes the best feeling in the world is the one you don't even recognize. You can feel this new feeling forming, stirring inside of you, but you have no idea where it came from, or why it's there, but you just feel it. You wonder if you should embrace it. You wonder if you should be afraid of it.

**

EMILY

          I saw Jason today. My big brother. God, how I missed him. He was alone on the docks. He was standing very still as though he was a statue. "Jason?"

          He smiled at me and I ran into his arms. We hugged for a moment until I pulled away.

          "How are you doing?" he asked. "I heard about your counseling sessions."

          "It's okay," I said. "Mom and Dad have been really supportative and the family too."

          I hated lying to Jason.

          He nodded. "You know, I do care. I haven't been by the hospital, but---"

          "You don't have to say anything, Jason. I know you care," I said. I wanted to change the subject. Change it before I could tell him the truth. "So, how's Courtney?"

          A huge grin appeared on his face at the sound of his fiancée's name. "She's fine. She and Carly are really into planning the wedding. It's kind of crazy."

          I laughed, trying to picture Jason and Sonny in the middle of Carly and Courtney's wedding planning. 

          Just then, the sound of footsteps came down the steps. We looked up to see Courtney walking to us.

          "Hi, Emily," she said.

          I smiled at Jason and Courtney as they wrapped their arms around each other. A pang hit me as I reminisced of Zander's arms around me.

          "I've got to get going," I said. 

          Jason hugged me one more time. "If you ever need anything---"

          "I know." I turned from him and left the docks.

JASON

          Normally, I would always believe everything Emily told me, but as I watched her walk away from the docks, I couldn't help but feel as though there was something she wasn't telling me.

          "Jason?" 

Courtney's voice interrupted my thoughts. I looked at her.

"Are you all right?" she asked.

"Yeah," I said with a sigh. "I'm just worried about Emily."

Courtney frowned. "What's wrong?"

I glanced back at the corner where Emily had disappeared behind. "I wish I knew."

NIKOLAS

          "Emily." 

          She turned to me, holding a bag. "I know I should have called before I came over, but—-"

          I closed the door behind me as I walked inside the room. "No, it's okay."

          "It's just that I wanted to get away for awhile, you know," she said. "I saw Jason today and I was so close to telling him, Nikolas. I really wanted to tell him."

          "What stopped you?" I asked.

          "You weren't by my side," she said.

**

          We walked inside one of the bedrooms in Wyndermere. I put Emily's bag on the bed as she drifted over to the open window. A calm expression came over her face. 

          "Are you hungry?" I said. "I can have the cook make you something."

          She continued staring out the window. "Some people live their whole lives not knowing how beautiful their world is. Everything is so perfect. The trees, the water, the sky. My family, my friends. They're all perfect."

          I walked up behind her as she talked.

          "And they're all going to live very long lives for me," she said softly. "Especially you. You're going to live forever for me, Nikolas, promise me that."

          I wrapped my arms around her and looked out the window with her. "I promise, but only if you promise me something."

          "What's that?"

          "You have to live with me forever."

          She leaned against me, grabbing my hands with hers. "I like that."

EMILY

          I opened my eyes to the dark room. Another bad dream had awoken me in the middle of the night. Most of the time, I could hardly remember the dreams, but it was the feeling I had when I woke up. It was always a bad one. I sat up in bed and ran my hands through my hair. I turned on the lamp and got out of bed, putting on a sweatshirt over my tank-top. I left the room and wandered down the hallway. 

          Most people would be afraid of a place like Wyndermere. It was like one of those dark castles you saw in old horror movies. Then again, most people were scared of the Quartermaine mansion when all it really was to me was a big house. 

          I quietly opened the door to Nikolas's bedroom. I saw his figure in the bed as the moonlight came in from the window. I leaned over him and nudged him gently. "Nikolas?"

          He stirred and opened his eyes. "Emily? What is it?"

          "I can't sleep," I said. 

          He lifted up his blanket and I climbed in next to him. He pulled me in, placing his chin on the top of my head. 

          "Wanna talk?" he asked.

          "Not really," I said.

          "Okay."

          I listened to him breath. It was a comforting sound.

NIKOLAS

          I woke up the next day to find Emily standing by the window. 

          "What are you thinking about?" I said, sitting up in bed.

          She turned to me with a grin. "About how much I want to go swimming!" She went to me and grabbed my hand. "Let's go!"

**

          I couldn't remember the last time I had swam in the pool, let alone the last time I had on a pair of swim trunks. Emily found some spare bathing suits in the pool house and changed in there as I sat at the edge of the pool with my legs dangling in the water. 

          It really was beautiful outside. Listening to what Emily said last night, I had to agree with her. Everything was perfect.

          Suddenly, I felt a hand push me into the water. The cold water hit me fast as I fell into the pool. I swam back up to the surface to see Emily standing over me laughing. 

          "Now you're going to get it!" I started to splash her. She shrieked and backed away from me. I climbed out of the pool and chased her. I caught her and pushed her into the pool, but her hand quickly grabbed onto mine, sending me in with her. Underwater, she smiled at me. We swam back up together. 

          "This is so much fun," she said.

          "What can I say?" I said. "I'm a fun guy."

          "Oh, yeah, Mr. Nikolas Cassadine, heir to the Cassadine fortune, Prince Nikolas Cassadine---"

          "Look who's talking, the Quartermaine Princess."

          Emily splashed me and I started to swim away. She swam after me, laughing and calling out my name. 

Part 3

          You know the saying, "Whenever one door closes, another one opens?" Well, sometimes, it's not true. Sometimes a door opens and when you walk through it, you start to remember the path. Maybe it's because a sense of familiarity washes over you. Maybe it's because you get a flash of memories from the last time you chose this trail. But then, you remember it all and you know. You know because when you look back at the door, you realize that that door never closed.

**

EMILY

          My hair was still wet when I returned home from Wyndermere. I managed to sneak up to my room and change my clothes when my phone rang.

          "Hey, Emily, I just wanted to see if you got home okay," Nikolas said on the other line.

          "Yeah, I did," I said. "Listen, thanks again for letting me stay the night. I really appreciate it."

          "It's no problem," he said. "Just warn me the next time you want to push me into the pool."

          I laughed. "No way."

          He laughed with me.

          "Thank you, Nikolas," I said softly. 

          "I already said it was no problem."

          "No." I fiddled with the phone cord. "I mean for everything. Thank you."

          "But, I didn't give you everything," he said, and I knew he was probably smiling.

          I smiled back. "Good bye, Nikolas."

NIKOLAS

          "Can I ask you a question?" I looked at my brother from across the table at Kelly's. 

          Lucky glanced up at me. "Sure."

          "When you and Liz were together, I know it was pretty serious," I said, "but how did you know, you know?"

          Lucky shook his head, probably at my poor excuse on asking a relationship question. He shrugged and said, "You don't know really. It just catches you off guard, but then at the same time, there's this feeling."

          "What kind of feeling?"

          "Kind of like it wasn't a big surprise," he said. "Kind of like it was there all along and you just never acted on it."

          I nodded, taking a sip of my coffee.

          Lucky grinned. "What's with all the questions? Are you and Emily---"

          "Just curious," I said quickly cutting in.

          "Come on, Nikolas," he said with a smirk. "It's not everyday you ask me for love advice."

          "Who said I was asking for love advice?" I had to act defensive to get him off my back. It usually worked with people.

          He leaned back against his chair. "Fine."

          Good. He wasn't going to pry anymore. 

LUCKY

          Nikolas went back to drinking his coffee and acting like a brooding prince after asking me for love advice. And that was for sure love advice he was asking for, whether he wanted to admit it or not.

          I remembered when it was me and Liz and Nikolas and Emily. When we were young. When we were innocent. Before we grew up. Before we saw the harsh light that the world shined on us. Me. Liz. Nikolas. Emily. Me and Liz. Nikolas and Emily. 

          I wondered if it made any difference, how Liz and I were together in the before, and now Nikolas and Emily were together in the after.

EMILY

          I took a hold of my mother's hand as I came back from the chemo session. I felt light-headed and dizzy as I sat down next to her in the hospital room. She touched my hair and smiled, trying to comfort me.

          "I know what you're going to say," I said.

          "What?"

          "It's only going to get better." I lowered my eyes. "What if it doesn't?"

          "Oh, Emily, you will get better," she said.

          She was so strong and brave. Nothing like me. I was dying. I was fading away.

          "You will get better," she said again.

MONICA

          I continued to stroke Emily's hair as she rested her head on my shoulder. She was so strong and brave. Nothing like me. I was scared. I was worried. 

NIKOLAS

          A few days passed. A few nights went by too. I became oblivious of what day it was, what time it was. My uncle noticed, but didn't say anything to me. He barely acknowledged my existence anymore; only to scold me or remind me about business. 

          I stared out my bedroom window at the moon and stars. I remembered the look on Emily's face as she looked up at the night sky. It was as if she had left this world, as if she had found a way to escape. I wondered if it was possible. Did she really escape, even for a moment, from the reality of her cancer, her isolation? 

          Could I find the same escape?

STEFAN

          I looked up to see Nikolas run past my door. "Nikolas!" But he didn't stop. He didn't turn back. I threw down the pen I was holding onto my desk and rubbed my chin. Where was he going?

EMILY

          I walked down the stairs to find Nikolas waiting for me on the bottom. "Hey."

          "Come with me," he said.

          "Where?"

          "Just come with me."

          His eyes were so urgent, pleading with me.

          "Okay, let me grab my coat," I said, going to the closet. 

**

          We ended up walking on the docks. We hadn't said a word since we left the mansion. I glanced at Nikolas from the corner of my eye. He was looking at the water as though he was searching for something. 

          "Nikolas—"

          "Emily—"

          We spoke at the same time. We smiled.

          "You first," he said.

          "I just wanted to know if everything was okay," I said. 

          "I just needed to get out," he said, half-convincingly. 

          "Well, we're out," I said. "Now, tell me what's really bothering you?"

          "Nothing's bothering me," he said. "I just wanted to go on a walk."

          I reached over with my hand and slowly touched the end of his coat sleeve, letting my fingers linger on the fabric. "I don't believe you." I didn't say it to accuse him of anything or to spite him. I just said it to let him know that I knew he wasn't telling me everything, and that it was okay.

          He grabbed onto my fingers that were tracing his coat sleeve and interlaced them with his, holding on tightly to my hand.

NIKOLAS

          We continued walking down the docks until we reached the end. The end. There was no where else to go. I looked down at our interwoven hands. This felt…this felt---

          "Zander," she said suddenly. Her eyes were looking behind me.

          I turned to see Zander standing a distance away from us, but I knew he could see us. I knew he was looking at us.

          "We have to do something," Emily said. "Hold me, do something."

          "Emily---"

          "Kiss me," she said.

          "No."

          "Just kiss me," she said.

          I sighed and leaned down. My lips found hers. They were soft and they moved gently against mine. She opened her mouth a little and I took the invitation, deepening the kiss. I reached up to cup her face with my hands and she tilted her head closer to mine. We slowly pulled away from each other. I felt like I was in a trance. Emily looked like she was too. Her cheeks started to blush as she looked over my shoulder.

          "He's gone," she said.

          He? Oh, yeah. Zander.

          "So, it worked?" I said.

          "Yeah," she said. "If I didn't know better, I would have thought that was a real kiss."

          But, it wasn't.

          "But, it wasn't," she said.

ZANDER

          Fuck her. Fuck him. Fuck them all.

EMILY

          I finished writing in my journal and looked up at the stars. It was late, but I felt wide awake. I looked at the tree that Zander used to climb up to my window, knowing that he probably would never climb on those branches again. I opened my journal back up to the latest entry, re-reading it.

          _…and so I kissed Nikolas. If Zander saw me kissing him, then I knew he would realize I was serious, that I wanted nothing to do with him, that I wanted Nikolas. It worked. And I wish it hadn't._

          Still, I couldn't help but reach up and touch my lips.

Part 4

          Somewhere in between playing make-believe and living in reality, the line starts to blur. You get into character and act your part, but when the day is over and you've taken off your mask, you look in the mirror and see the same face, the same mask. And you start to ask yourself, "When did the mask become a part of me?"

**

EMILY

          I was still not used to the hospital. The smells, the noises, the people—they were just reminders that I was dying, that my last few days on this world would be here with the smells, with the noises, with the people. I would be confined to a bed, maybe bald, maybe not. My family and friends would come and visit me with smiles and some sort of reassurance, but I wouldn't buy any of it. I would know they had come to say good bye to me.           

**

          I left my chemo session to find Nikolas in the waiting room. He had a smile for me and I knew that he meant it—there was no pity in that smile.

          "Hi," I said.

          He helped me sit down and touched my hair, running his hand down my cheek and then to my shoulder. He gently squeezed it and asked, "How are you?"

          "I'm getting used to the treatments," I said. "It's not so bad anymore."

          "Do you want to go somewhere?" he said.

          I was so thankful for him. 

**

          We went to Kelly's and sat down at a table. Nikolas went right into character, reaching over to cover my hand on the table with his own hand. I smiled at him.

          "Do you want something to eat?" he asked.

          "I'm not hungry," I said.

          "So, have you seen Zander lately?" he said.

          "No." I frowned. "Guess that means we're doing a good job with acting, huh?"

          "Maybe we're too good," he said.

          He looked into my eyes slowly and I opened my mouth to ask him what he meant when Liz approached us.

          "Hi, guys," she said cheerfully.

          We greeted her and Nikolas gestured to one of the empty seats at the table.

          "I'm just picking some dinner up for me and Ric," she said. "How are you two doing?"

          We glanced at each other, unsure on how to answer her. Nikolas was still holding onto my hand, which he raised to his lips and kissed softly.

          "I take that that means you're both doing fine," Liz said.

          "Liz, your order is ready," Penny said from the counter.

          Liz grabbed the brown paper bag and looked back at us. "You guys take care, okay?"

          "Bye, Liz," I said. 

          As soon as she walked out the door, I burst out laughing. "Have you ever considered becoming an actor, Nikolas?" 

          "But, I already am," he said laughing with me.

          This time I looked him in the eyes. "Maybe we _are _too good."

LIZ

          How bizarre. Yeah, Emily and Nikolas were a couple, but I had never seen them display public acts of affection yet. I just wasn't used to it, I guess. 

          When Lucky and I were together, I always thought we were leaving Emily and Nikolas out for some reason. Out of what I didn't really know, but it was like Lucky and I were in our own world, our own bubble, and Emily and Nikolas were outside of that. Now Lucky and I were ones outside looking in. I didn't know about Lucky, but when I looked inside, I saw how happy Emily and Nikolas made each other and that's all I ever wanted for them---to be happy.

NIKOLAS

          Despite Emily's objections, I ordered a slice of apple pie for her. I cut a small piece with my fork and maneuvered it towards her mouth.

          "I'm not hungry, Nikolas," she said smiling.

          "Come on, Emily, it's calling your name," I said. "It's so warm and tasty, just waiting for you to---"

          "Okay, but only one bite." She opened her mouth and I placed the fork in gently. She bit into the piece and chewed. "Yeah, that was good."

          "When it comes to desserts, I'm never wrong," I said.

          "Especially when it comes to apple pie, huh?" Her eyes glittered with amusement. 

          "Oh, especially apple pie," I said with a smile.

          "It's nice to see you smiling," she said.

          I lowered my voice. "Why do say that?" 

          "That night on the docks, when we kissed," she said, "you weren't being yourself. I could tell you had something on your mind."

          "You did?"

          She nodded. "Is everything okay now?"

          I looked away from her, careful not to make eye contact. "Sure," I said nonchalantly. 

          "You know, Nikolas, you're always there for me, to talk to, to depend on," she said. "I want you to know that it's the other way around too."

          "I know, Emily," I said, my eyes still turned away. "I know."

PENNY

          I watched Emily and Nikolas with their slice of apple pie. God, I had to admit it: I was jealous. I saw Nikolas feed her that piece of pie. The way he looked at her as though she was the only person in the room. Maybe Emily had picked the right guy. I mean, come on, who could go wrong with a prince? I pretended to wipe down the counter, but all the while, my eyes were fixated on the two, wondering what it was like to actually be in love like that.

NIKOLAS

Back in Wyndermere, I tried to lose myself in my work. I looked over papers, contracts, numbers and figures, but nothing worked. I found myself thinking about the conversation I had with Lucky.

          _"You don't know really. It just catches you off guard, but then at the same time, there's this feeling."_

_          "What kind of feeling?"_

_          "Kind of like it wasn't a big surprise. Kind of like it was there all along and you just never acted on it."_

Like it was there all along.

          I wandered over to the window and stared out. Something was happening, or maybe it had already happened. Either way, I didn't know if I was ready for it yet; ready to admit it, ready to act on it. 

          Because I wasn't sure if Emily was ready yet.

EMILY

          I couldn't go home just yet. I walked along the docks, feeling at ease with the wind blowing in the night and the silence that surrounded me. I came to the place where Nikolas and I had kissed. It was all an act, wasn't it? The way he touched my face, the way I moved in closer for the kiss. We were just acting. That's all. Right.

          I gripped the railing and leaned over to watch the water move back and forth. I really wished I had someone with me right now. Someone to talk to, someone I could listen to. Someone like—

          "Emily."

          I turned to see Zander.

          "Can we talk?" he said.

          I nodded.

          "I know we haven't seen much of each other," he said, shuffling his feet, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "But I just wanted you to know that as long as you're happy, I'm happy."

          "Thank you, Zander," I said. And the truth was that I was happy. For the first time, in a long time, I could admit that to myself.

          "But can I just ask you one thing?" he said.

          I waited for him to continue.

          "Are you in love with him?" he asked.

          It didn't make me long to answer. "Yes." It came out sounding easy and smooth.

          Zander's heart seemed to break in front of me again as he walked away. A part of me wanted to go after him, but a bigger part of me told me to let him go. I looked back to the dark water, glad that I was able to tell Zander the truth for once.

ZANDER

          So, that was it. Nikolas and Emily were in love. She hadn't hesitated to admit that. I wanted her to tell me that she still loved me and that she wanted me instead of Nikolas, but I guess I got what I asked for. The truth hurt sometimes.

NIKOLAS

          I heard a boat approaching the launch. I glanced outside the window and saw Emily coming up the walkway. I immediately went to meet her. Outside, she smiled at the sight of me.

          "I just wanted to---" 

          I interrupted her. "Come on." I took her hand and led her inside.

**

          She told me about her talk with Zander. She thought that it was a done deal now. Zander was officially out of her life.

          "So, what happens now?" I asked.

          "What do you mean?" She paced in my room, first to the window, and then back towards me on the bed. "I got what I wanted. Zander doesn't have to watch me die."

          "Is that what you really wanted?" I said.

          I looked at him. "I don't want anyone to watch me die."

          "You're not going to die, Emily," I said.

          "It's already started!" Tears started to form in her eyes. "I'm getter sicker from the chemo. I'm watching my parents live in grief. I'm lying to my family and friends. And it's all because of me. Because I _am dying, Nikolas. And that's the truth!"_

          "No, it isn't." I took her hands into mine to calm her down. "The truth is that you're a fighter. You're the strongest person I know. You've led me back to health once and I'm going to do the same for you. I need you to believe in me."

          "I do, Nikolas, I do." But she continued to cry. 

          I didn't know what else to do so I placed a hand on her cheek to turn her face to me. I wiped a tear away and slowly leaned in to kiss her. She responded, kissing me urgently. And I knew that we were done with the acting, the pretending. And I also knew that we had stopped all of that a long time ago. Long before we could both admit it to each other and to ourselves.

Part 5

          Every fairy tale has a happy ending. It also has a prince and princess. They fall in love while overcoming many obstacles and in that happy ending, they get to live happily ever after.

**

EMILY

          I woke up in Nikolas's arms. The sun was shining on us and I blinked from its rays. Nikolas moved next to me and he opened his eyes, smiling at me. I smiled back, cuddling closer to him.

          "Did you sleep well?" he asked.

          I nodded. "No bad dreams."

          He kissed the top of my head. "Good." He ran his hands through my hair, letting his touch linger on me. "About last night, Emily…" He paused and that let me think about what had happened last night. We had stayed up late talking and listening to one another. Yes, we had kissed, and yes, we were no longer pretending, at least I wasn't, but did any of that change anything?

          I waited for Nikolas to continue, but he didn't. It was okay. I nuzzled my face in his neck as he wrapped his arms around me.

NIKOLAS

          Waking up next to Emily seemed to make my day go by better. Seeing her smile, the sunlight on her hair—somehow seeing those things made everything all right. 

          I walked her to the boat launch. Her hands were on my arms. "Call me later," she said.

          "I will," I said.

          She leaned over and kissed me softly. I felt her warm breath hit my face as she whispered, "I love you." I opened my eyes and saw her own staring back at mine as though she was searching for something, maybe it was for a response. I held back, gently pushing her away.

          "I'll call you later," I said.

          Her face filled with hurt for a moment, but she gave me a small smile and walked towards the boat. And I watched her go.

STEFAN

          I looked up as Nikolas walked into my office. 

"So, Emily spent the night," I said. 

          He poured himself a drink from the table, not making eye contact with me.

          "I hoped she enjoyed her stay," I said.

          He remained silent.

          I got up from my desk and went to him. "Nikolas, I'm warning you, if you keep up this attitude---"

          "What attitude, uncle?" he said suddenly. He finally looked at me. "How am I defying you?"

          "You're not defying me," I said. "You're defying the entire Cassadine empire. You contacted me because you were in trouble and I came back to take care of your problems and this is the kind of gratitude I get."

          "You cause problems more than you fix them," he said.

          "That's the kind of attitude I'm talking about, Nikolas," I said.

           "Well, I learned it from the best." He put down his drink.  "You."

NIKOLAS

          I didn't call Emily like I promised. Instead, I went searching for her. I escaped from Wyndermere and I went to the docks, I went to Kelly's, I went to the park---there was no sign of her. As I took out my cell phone, a hand grabbed my shoulder. I turned to see Zander.

          "Hey, can we talk?" he asked.

          I nodded. 

          "Emily told me last night that she's in love with you," he said. He lowered his eyes like a sign of defeat. "I know you two have a lot of history, but Emily and I were in love before too. She's going through a hard time right now with the counseling and I trust that you'll be there for her because you're also her friend."

          "I am—"

          "Just hear me out, okay?" He nervously ran a hand through his hair. "You got her. Emily picked you. Don't ever forget that." He started to leave, but turned back to me. "At least she told me the truth for once."

          I turned away from him, a knot forming in my stomach. The truth. Now it was my turn to tell the truth.

ZANDER

          I didn't sleep at all last night after Emily told me she loved Nikolas. I tossed and turned in bed as I imagined Emily and Nikolas together. I had gone to her letting her know that I was going to be mature about the situation, let her know that she was allowed to move on and that I let her go. But I knew that I hadn't let go. Because when she told me she loved Nikolas, I tried to hold on with all my might, and when she walked away from me, I realized that I hadn't let her go; she had let herself go.

EMILY

          Nikolas still hadn't called me. My heart sank a little at the thought that maybe he had forgotten, or worse, he knew he had to call me, but he was putting it off. I sat in my room, staring at my phone, and then moving my eyes to the window. Was it really just this morning that I had woken up with Nikolas? What had happened to change that feeling? I was at ease, at peace with him, and now I felt all mixed-up and confused.

          I had kissed him. My hair was blowing in the wind as I looked at his closed eyes and whispered, "I love you," to him. His eyes were filled with amazement and shock as he opened them. Maybe that's what went wrong. He wasn't in love with me. I must have scared of him when I told I loved him. Now he was avoiding me.

          Just then, my phone rang. I picked it up quickly. A smile spread across my face at the sound of the voice.

NIKOLAS

          I told Emily to meet me at the docks. She knew the spot. I was facing the dark water watching the moonlight reflect on it. The moonbeams bounced back and radiated the entire river. It was getting late in the evening, but I could hear the distant chatter of people as they walked up and down the docks.

          "Hey," a soft voice said from behind me.

          I turned to see Emily. She tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear and looked at me. She was dressed casually in jeans and a blue shirt.

          "Hey," I said. I moved over at the railing and she joined me as we looked out to the water together. It was suddenly quiet. I couldn't hear any more of the chatter of people walking by. I couldn't even hear the water splashing against the boats. 

But I could hear one thing. My heart beating.

EMILY

          I hesitated to say anything or do anything as we stood side by side in the dark. I had to ask myself again, "What had happened?" Before we could talk about anything together. We used to be comfortable with the silence, but now I wanted the silence to be broken.

          "Nikolas---"

          "Emily---"

          It seemed like Nikolas wanted the same thing too.

          "You first," he said.

          "Is everything okay?" I asked.

          Again, it was silent. 

          I looked at his face as I tried to read him. No luck. "If I did anything wrong—"

          "No, you didn't," he said. "It's me. I messed up."

          "What are you talking about?" I said. 

          "When you asked me to do this for you, pretend I was in love with you, I said yes only because I was your friend," he said. "Now that—now that I _am in love with you, I'm scared, Emily. I'm scared, not because of the cancer, but because you make me feel alive more anything in the world."_

          My eyes filled with up tears as I listened to him.

          "I told you I was going to be by your side through everything and I will be," he said. He turned to look at me. His dark eyes glistened with tears. "I promised that I was going to live forever for you only if—only if—"

          "Only if I lived forever with you," I finished for him. I reached over and took his hand into mine. He gripped it tightly. "And I will."

**

          Nikolas and I stood in the Quartermaine mansion's living room, looking back at the faces. Grandfather, Grandmother, Mom and Dad, AJ, Jason, Skye, Ned, Dillon, Lucky, Liz, Gia, and Zander. _And Zander._

          "Why are we all here, Emily?" Ned asked.

          "I have something important to tell you all," I said. I glanced at my mother and father and they smiled at me, a sign that I could do this. "I was afraid to tell you this before, but now I have the strength." Nikolas squeezed my hand and I continued. "I don't have a drug problem…"

END


End file.
